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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance can become “highly unrealistic”, he admits. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I stand above others … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are usually succeeded by a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels deeply emotional and self-conscious about his behavior, rendering him particularly vulnerable to criticism from external sources. He came to wonder he might have this personality condition after researching his symptoms online – and was later confirmed by a specialist. Yet, he questions he would have taken the label without having independently formed that conclusion on his own. “If you try to tell somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – particularly if they experience a sense of being better. “They’re in a delusional world that they made for themselves. And that world is like, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining NPD

Though people have been called narcissists for more than a century, definitions vary what is meant by the diagnosis. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says a leading researcher, noting the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he notes many people hide it, as there is significant negative perception associated with the condition. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to bolster one’s self-esteem through behaviors including displaying material goods,” the specialist clarifies. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Sex-Based Distinctions in NPD Presentation

Though a significant majority of people diagnosed with NPD are men, studies points out this figure does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that female narcissism is frequently manifests in the less obvious variety, which is less commonly diagnosed. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be a bit more accepted, just kind of like everything in society,” notes an individual who posts about her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. It’s fairly common, the two disorders co-occur.

Personal Struggles

It’s hard for me with handling criticism and not being accepted,” she explains, whenever it’s suggested that the problem is me, I either go into a defensive state or I completely shut down.” Even with this behavior – which is known as “narcissistic injury”, she has been trying to overcome it and listen to guidance from her close relationships, as she strives not to return into the harmful behaviour of her past. My past relationships were toxic to my partners as a teenager,” she admits. With professional help, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she explains she and her significant other “operate with an understanding where I told him, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, if my words are controlling, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood mostly in the care of her father and says she lacked positive role models during development. I’ve had to teach myself over the years what is acceptable versus unacceptable to say when arguing because I never had that as a kid,” she says. Every insult was fair game when my family members were insulting me in my early years.”

Underlying Factors of The Condition

Conditions like NPD tend to be linked to early life adversity. Genetics play a role,” notes a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “tied to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to cope in formative years”, he continues, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting certain expectations. They then “persist in applying those familiar tactics as adults”.

Like several of the individuals with NPD, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The individual explains when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve good grades and professional advancement, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “good enough”.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships ever worked out. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he says. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of loving someone, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, in a comparable situation, finds it hard to manage mood stability. She is “highly empathetic of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he says – it was actually she who first suspected he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Subsequent to a consultation to his doctor, an assessment was arranged to a mental health professional for an evaluation and was informed of his condition. He has been recommended for talking therapy through national services (extended treatment is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the waiting list for 18 months: “They said it is expected around in a few months.”

He has shared with a few individuals about his NPD diagnosis, because “negative perceptions are widespread that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, privately, he has embraced the diagnosis. This understanding allows me to comprehend my actions, which is positive,” he explains. Those interviewed have acknowledged their condition and are seeking help for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the condition. But the presence of online advocates and the development of virtual networks suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number